This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
