I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
