I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
