Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i out mim tonsoeep
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