Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
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