Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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