I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
