Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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