i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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