so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
