yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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