Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Acid is not a monday night drug
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
