guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
