peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
