jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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