Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
