every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Houston, we have a blender
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
