Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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