Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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