Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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