Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
