i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
