This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Couch. On fire.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
