The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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