Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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