why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
