I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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