Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
