I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
