I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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