is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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