3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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