hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
