the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
