And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
