I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
