she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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