What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
