i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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