Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
