Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i think i just lost a toe
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
