He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
