My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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