he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
