I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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