Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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