I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got chris browned last night
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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