spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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