but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
