Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
